Fierce light

Gods and monsters rage inside my head like a turpentine drunk as an orphaned yellow moon drinks illuminations

to my medicated night-

You were right when you told me life is a paradox between saints and degenerates.

These visions came out of the blue no peyote or magic mushrooms, my mind split as if by lighting piercing this self I no longer knew.

My soul shattered in two crying gibberish into the new dawn with a fierce light burning away my false image as the whole world screamed.

Oh brief, exquisite, holy gone moment,
alive and dying-death and rebirth-a continual movement,

a never-ending circle-whole Cosmoses born and destroyed, multiple universes exploded before my eyes-supernovas,

whole constellations of new flowering frontiers,
and I, well I had disappeared into THAT,
and the heartbeat I heard was the heartbeat of the world.

Sweet revelation I was no longer separate and my body
had turned into a weight of holy water with my head exploding

into fragments of divine wyrdness and my soul became an uncaged bird flying high above the

firmament of my feverish mind, and as I stood there I knew I was forgiven-forgiven for every goddamn thing I ever did,

forgiven for daring to think this I even mattered,
this I had no more currency than a Wall Street crash

worthless I was free to roam, no longer was I chained
to this wheel of constant becoming, and became in an instant, my wounded angel’s grace.

2 thoughts on “Fierce light

  1. something happened many years ago, something very odd on my birthday night, and the morning after I had this experience, a sort of Blake moment. Why, I haven’t a clue, it was the sort of experience that breaks you open like an egg, and you can never, and I mean never go back to the life you once had. One year after this I went to India, and had further experiences. Following my mother’s death in 1991 I went back after seeing a film of a monk living in the jungle. Following that I continued to go back when finally in December of 1997 I quit my job for India and the ashram to become a monk. Well it didn’t happen, yet things continued to unfold in unexpected ways. To the point where I will be living in a Tibetan Buddhist community up in the mountains next year, for a year. As Joseph Campbell said , ‘if you hear the call, you must go’, otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life. As for me I plunged into something without knowing how or why….

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